Internal Rage

My last text to Andrea, tonight: You lost everything that mattered: Not me, the girls. I hope you can get high enough to make up for it.

I don''t know if my life is a godsend or a curse.

The three main loves of my life all have boyfriends.

I'll try and let that sink in...

I'm the perpetual "other" guy. I'm the one they love to get attention and affection from. I'm the one they tell me = they "Could" love

but ... but.. but...

lots of buts.

I'm the guy they fall back on. I'm the one they turn to, when their man isnt there. I'm the one they don't trust. I'm the one they "Want" to love.

I'm a fucking joke

a punchline

once I was IT, now i'm just second string lover for a string of women who want more from their own men, but are too afraid to ask too much.

i get that.

i understand. Hell, i even sympathize,

i love them all, I want to be the guy that gives them what their man doesnt.

But the truth is, I'm only good with the passion, the sex, the MOMENT.

and they Want all that= AND the daily committment, the surrender that accompanies the relationship

So there they are, all those fools who are willing to give it up

and here i am, the fool who will give everything- except - that.

and so, they take their man's surrender, and they collect him, to own. And when they find him wanting, they seek out me= and while they use me to fill the gaps, they tell me all things they want , knowing i cant give them

but still they take what they can.

and they blame me, for not giving enough, for not being their everything.

They cant blame their man- he wouldnt handle such criticism. But they always feel they can heap it on me, the Other man. They always assume I dont care, dont want, dont desire.

They are always so wrapped up in their own emotions and desires that they never think to consider that even the Other man, may want something other than to be their toy.