Empty glass...

I'm trying goddamit...! ?

Never had to before. Drinking. Watched a huge dust storm turn the sky dirt red an hour ago. Looking out my bedroom window, its a bright shiny world. The storm may have never existed for all I can see at this moment.

That's west Texas for you. Brief, wicked chaos strips you down to your shell, then you look up and its bright blue sky, a beautiful sun setting, and the ever-present wind is just gone like it never existed.

When you are so used to something, its sudden absence, after such a violent explosion is a presence unto itself, makin you almost miss it.

Its perfect right now. Gorgeous and bright like heaven should be. The afterglow of a discordant orgasm that brought more pain that it did pleasure.

As I pour beers into me, I try to pour out what I feel... all I have is this will o' the wisp, tho. Feeling and emotion, like the storm itself, is something that just isn't here anymore. I remember it all, so shortly ago, but all I have now is that half-dreamy image of it in memory. It could have been an hour ago that I experienced it, or ten years gone. Its just not here now. I wish I could have taken a picture or videotaped it, or locked it all in a glass so I could experience it again. But its gone now, and will only re-emerge when nature wills it to.

It's a bright shiny day, and an empty slate. And I almost= ALMOST welcome that. But I'm wise enough now to miss it. It's the storm that makes me alive.