Friday, May 27, 2011

The antipeace of conformity

Let me go
let me go
let me GO

lost in a world where I have no control

Sick kid, coughing all night
whisper comforts, hold him tight

powerless, in a position of surrender
once a thousand paths, now a hopeless dead-ender

Let me run
let me run
let me RUN

lost in a cage where there's no escape

I start to leave, then I feel their need
my heart is empty, theirs have yet to bleed

So i spin in place, grind my gears
Forfeit my desires and forget that thing-fear

Let me die
let me die
let me DIE

found in a place with only one door

I let my wounds pour, til unwillingly they clot
Nail myself to this place, hope for death as i rot

Left foot, right foot, taking steps to conform
the calm is about me, in this eye of the storm

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Twisting Relationships

A good friend is a thousand times more irreplaceable than a good lover.

There are days when the love you bear a good friend stretches into the possiblity of, or the realm of- romantic love and passionate love.

I find myself fearful of possibilities like this. There is too much to lose when you cross that line. And you almost never can get back to that point once the line is crossed- you experience that level of relationship, and it doesnt work out, and then you struggle to get back to the purity of the friendship- where you were before.

I want my next lover - if there ever is one- to be my friend too. But I value my best friends too highly to corrupt that perfect relationship with the chaos of Love, the greed of Lust, and the insecurity of uneven hearts.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Looking for someone to blame

I wish I just had one person that I could blame this broken heart on.

Whiskey morning conclusions

"I'm afraid I am destined for tragedy..."

"Why do you say that?"


"Because I wouldn't have it any other way..."

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

mystery lover theatre

the first time was the best... Pinot Grigio, this album, that I'd never heard, playing, at your insistence. I remember you telling me things I'll never repeat - but that i'll never forget. You beneath me. Me stopping- scared by the look of incredulous shock in your wide eyes. Neither of us believing in the power of the moment- Marukka den es mort, and how I lied, to protect you, to protect myself-

and we danced away; from each other, from those perfect moments that we both knew could never be recreated. I want you to know I think of you, and that moment- and how much that moment changed me, forever. And you are minutes away, and yet ...millions of miles away. And I know, i'll never reach out, and you never will either. So all i can hope is that some days you revisit that moment in your head, and share it with me again.

Love is always best tempered with memory.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Sacred, part 1

Each man decides what is sacred, inviolate, to himself.

I have seen many things. I have done many things. I know what is sacred to me. Of this, I have no doubts.

I have choked down the father who once beat me, who I once watched beat my mother, as a powerless child. I have looked him in the eyes, shown him mercy, hate, compassion and even love. And walked away from the shell that he was.

I have raised children, lost children, prayed for their forgiveness and railed against them in self righteous anger. I have loved them all and know that my only hope of redemption in their eyes lies in their eyes and hearts alone.

I have closed the eyes of my mother on her deathbed, while others wept around me.

I have raised my fists in useless anger, I have struck in the defense of others, I have wounded the helpless when I had no need to.

I have loved of women, and lost. I have been loved and have forsaken love freely given.

I have doubted, so much I have doubted. And I have believed.

And, I believe now. I know in my heart what is sacred to me. I know what blasphemies are hollow and what transgressions I would never dare, lest I truly doom myself - to myself.

Each man a temple, and in his heart beats a man's own religion. Some may doubt anew. I have doubts no more. I know my own heart, and that is the grail, the reason, the meaning I have always searched for. Knowing it is what is the most sacred belief of all.