tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53972793779516832432024-03-13T16:35:05.314-07:00Lost in the TubesFadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.comBlogger275125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-44921979521945010322016-02-13T22:56:00.000-08:002016-02-13T22:56:34.920-08:00AloneAlone<br />
by Edgar Allan Poe<br />
<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From childhood’s hour
I have not been<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">As others were- I have
not seen<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">As others saw- I could
not bring<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">My passions from a
common spring-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the same source I
have not taken<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">My sorrow- I could not
awaken<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">My heart to joy at the
same tone-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">And all I lov’d – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> lov’d alone-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: blue;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Then</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">- in my childhood- in the dawn<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">Of a most stormy life-
was drawn<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From ev’ry depth of
good and ill<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">The mystery which
binds me still-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the torrent, or
the fountain-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the red cliff of
the mountain-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the sun that
‘round me roll’d<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">In its autumn tint of
gold-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the lightning in
the sky<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">As it pass’d me flying
by-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">From the thunder, and
the storm-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">And the cloud that
took the form<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">(When the rest of
Heaven was blue)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="color: blue;">Of a demon in my view-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: blue;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #141823; display: none; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Alone<br />
by Edgar Allan Poe<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #141823; display: none; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">From childhood's hour I have not been<br />
As others were; I have not seen<br />
As others saw; I could not bring<br />
My passions from a common spring.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #141823; display: none; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">From the same source I have not taken<br />
My sorrow; I could not awaken<br />
My heart to joy at the same tone;<br />
And all I loved, I loved alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 12pt 0in;">
<span style="color: #141823; display: none; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Then- in my childhood, in the dawn<br />
Of a most stormy life- was drawn<br />
From every depth of good and ill<br />
The mystery which binds me still:<br />
From the torrent, or the fountain,<br />
From the red cliff of the mountain,<br />
From the sun that round me rolled<br />
In its autumn tint of gold,<br />
From the lightning in the sky<br />
As it passed me flying by,<br />
From the thunder and the storm,<br />
And the cloud that took the form<br />
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)<br />
Of a demon in my view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: small;">
</span></span><br />Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-57546395648829369402016-02-06T04:08:00.002-08:002016-02-06T04:08:45.774-08:00Valentine's DreamsBloody Mary weekend, take 1<br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>Valentine’s card to imaginary possible girlfriends, take 1</span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>"<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>i love you... and i wish you were here</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and you are NOT</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>so you must be some figment of my imagination</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>because, in some odd part of me, i somehow believe that you would make me, wildly, unoppressedly happy</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>you would make everything okay</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and thats a very seductive thing</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span><div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and as i pine for the fjords, and contemplate my life with that special woman...</span></span></span></span><div class="UFITranslatedText">
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>i reject you... because i am so scared</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>that you might be right for me-(and - i might be right for you)</span><br /><span>and in this oh-so-scarred world of pain and hate- that can't happen...</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and, this is the part, where i reach out for you</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and you, who have been waiting so long for me to unfuck myself and understand your love- and take your hand-</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>All you have to to do is - take it.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and suddenly, the magic is gone, and the chase is over- and your prince has knelt before you, diamonds glittering in hand, tears on his face</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>and your own hand drops. And you think of every excuse as to why this fairy tale should not end happily.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>you may even tell him an excuse or two, as you walk away.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span></span> </div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>if you are merciful.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>But, either way, once he is yours, you don't want him any longer. </span></span></span></span></div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span></span></span></span></span> </div>
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<span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="UFICommentBody"><span>And you move on, to your next (and his) broken heart.</span></span></span></span></div>
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</span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span> </span>Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-70800154271711613082016-01-17T00:48:00.005-08:002016-01-17T00:48:56.182-08:00Sons, at a distanceI unfriended Andrew and Evan today.<br />
<br />
<strong>"Sometimes you just have to cut them loose. Done"</strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong></strong><br />
I sent this message to Lauren.<br />
<br />
I sure hope with all my heart that what happened to Evan and Andrew does not happen to Tristan. Its my worst fear. I will try to do my best to keep my connection as a father as best as I can after you took him away. <br />
<br />
But it sure did not work out well with those two. They could not even be bothered to call me about Grandma Berryhill passing away. I left them voicemails and texts- and not for me- I wanted them to call MY Dad and offer him some condolences. Even after everything Lee Berryhill has done to me- I asked them to offer him that mercy. But, that's just more effort than they had in them. I don't know what fucked up shit their mother did to make them this way- but I will do anything you want me to, to prevent you from doing the same to Tristan. <br />
<br />
We are his family too. <br />
<br />
But beyond that, just teach him the right things to do in life. I cant be there. Not when hes 1000 miles away. So, its up to you. Please don't teach him to think that this side of his family does not matter, the way Trish taught Evan and Andrew.<br />
<br />
Because it is fucking heartbreaking.Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-79341062063000072572016-01-14T16:20:00.002-08:002016-01-14T16:20:58.311-08:00Mentoring Anti Authority since the 60'sKirby King passed away this week. (Known as Tychis Kano to his Austin Hippie Hollow friends). He is going to be missed. He was an original, and probably at least one third of why I am the way I am today. I like to think I helped spread the insanity to those I've been a mentor to through the years.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC50duR2wswWO5yX3smSEGfFWNl9xyd-D-zSIWdywSOQuLxEyos2yjYiSgVWVWuM9jtOSrSUxESnz5NLjuQhtladUOm5c3QUiLFjiv9nMI7HSdRc0CExyjiU9U2aJcdwMKjxEsB6cstJw/s1600/oldschool9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC50duR2wswWO5yX3smSEGfFWNl9xyd-D-zSIWdywSOQuLxEyos2yjYiSgVWVWuM9jtOSrSUxESnz5NLjuQhtladUOm5c3QUiLFjiv9nMI7HSdRc0CExyjiU9U2aJcdwMKjxEsB6cstJw/s320/oldschool9.jpg" width="283" /></a></div>
<br />
Above is a scan of a letter he mailed me, in 1991 and below is a letter I had written him from 1992.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">To
Kirby King, my mentor<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Herr King:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">What's
up? Not too fucking much here. Just kicking back in front <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">of my
computer, writing you back. kind of a lethargic mood, so expect a boring
letter... called your pops he said you were no longer in residence, didnt know
if he was lying or not. If he gets this letter to you, call me at work any week
day after five. I work everyday except Friday. Didnt get to go to the
Metallica/Guns and Roses show. I worked for shawn so him and his bitch could
go. It was supposedly an excellent concert. And I've been informed that I have
to work for him Oct.1 which is the date of Ozzys concert (No more tours/tears)
Oh well. Not much in the Big D just listening to Z rock and half ass attending
college when I don't sleep late, have a hangover, or have some girl in my bed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">(Mainly
hangovers) I decided i'd send you some of the fucked up shit I have been typing
on my word processor program on the computer here for posterity, I guess. Enjoy
it. It will be famous some day when I'm dead. So if you are still alive at that
time you can sell it for mega bucks or some shit. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So Todds got a girlfriend with a mind. When
did they start adding <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">those
to females? Must've been an option package. Tell him he better check her
medical history (He might be dating the result of a sex change operation).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when are you gonna show up here. It
has been a summer full of kegs and beer and pools and women and drugs. I also
work 40 hours a week in my spare time. These people aren't your average Frat
dicks, either,.they are actually pretty cool. The chicks are all bitches, but
havent they always been? I got a girlfriend, Blonde and good lookin too,!
Scared of that. She doesn't believe in giving head. I shall make a believer out
of here before it is over with. Well enough bullshit.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">So you have been listening to Spin Doctors, Faith no more, etc.
huh I been listening to ALice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Temple of the
Dog, My life with the Thrill kill kult, Utah Saints, Sisters of mercy... Heard
of any of them? I am gonna send you a picture I drew (While asleep at work) so
cherish it also. i didnt finish it but I think its cool so frame it on your
wall or something (if you have to use it for toilet paper, please wipe with the
blank side)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">What
the hell I'll send you two pictures cause i got this other one that I drew
while sleeping in class.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>hey hey hey hey<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>i will take off now. Stay Drunk and remember - Decadence is its own
reward (heard that from an evangelist) little does he know how true that
statement it is. Oh - hasn't Todd graduated yet?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 2.5in;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your Disciple of anti
Authority<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sidekick to Chaos<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Igor to your Frankenstein<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sept.10 1992<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>11:32am <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wondering if there
is life after college..<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Chris Topher Ki Rk Berry Hill<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>later....<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-65305789956623841592016-01-06T16:33:00.000-08:002016-01-06T16:33:04.164-08:00Ode to a GrandmaAnd, we buried Grandma today. <br />
<br />
Ma-Ma. Helen Berryhill. Matriarch, Icon, Heart of the Berryhill clan.<br />
<br />
It still has not hit me, her being gone. Like with Mom, my mind kept the loss at arm's length, for a time.<br />
<br />
I know it will hit me. But right now, my heart is in limbo and my mind skirts the loss.<br />
<br />
Listening to music. Girls have gone out, to go out to eat with Dad and Family. The obituary I wrote was well-received. Everyone seems to have "gotten" it. Even Dad. It was as close to the truth as this family gets....<br />
<br />
The family knows. I guess I was shocked at how many of them understood what I was saying. Maybe Dad, Ryan and I are far more transparent than I believed. ? But, it was good. Sometimes you got to quit holding that pain inside.<br />
<br />
It was a good day.<br />
<br />
And, now , I'm working slowly through my own pain- walking the labyrinth of my psyche, and twisting my way through the path to my own twisted heart.<br />
<br />
And once I arrive at my destination, I'm hoping I will be able to sit myself down, exhale. <br />
<br />
And find where I go from here. <br />
<br />
Mom, gone. Ma gone. and now, Ma-Ma. I've had the blessing of all these strong, powerful women in my life. Everyone knows I'm wild and crazy and rebellious and Fuck you all and all that- but I've been tempered by these ladies existing in my life, and judging my actions. <br />
<br />
and now, they are all gone from my life. I don't care about anyone else's judgement- Except, the young ones in my life- my children. And, their judgement does not hold the weight that my elders did.<br />
<br />
Whew. Exhale. Exhale. exhale...<br />
<br />
And now, the trick is to breathe in, and live life to my own standards, to my own judgement. <br />
<br />
and hope that I don't fail myself.<br />
<br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-40923857405959131422015-05-28T19:58:00.003-07:002015-05-28T19:58:34.147-07:00Ode to a Fishbowl
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ode to a Fishbowl<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Swimming in circles</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Big Fin King</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Catching nothing but my own tail-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ominous and unforgiving</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Obtuse and unforgiven</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just because I’m not caught up in the frenzy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t mean I’m not slowly consuming myself</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Regurgitating random wisdom </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cutthroat barracuda prince </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Biting every hand that ever fed-</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bitter and hating</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bested and hated</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just because I’m not floating in stupidity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t mean I’m not willfully drowning myself</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Drifting upside down</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Deadeyed guppy heir</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reflecting every pain ever borne, or felt-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Succinct and Simple</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sorry and self absorbed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just because I’m not repenting my sins</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t mean I’m not destroying myself out of guilt.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kirk, 5/28/15<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-61172324201620726522015-05-08T20:43:00.000-07:002015-05-08T20:43:57.057-07:00The Song Always Ends<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The song ends, and she takes a drink from her beer as I
drink her presence in.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We haven’t been dating very long- a couple of weeks, at this
point. We’ve settled into relaxing with music, drinks and each other’s company after
the kids are fast asleep.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m mesmerized by her. It’s been a long time since a woman
had my attention the way that Jennifer has it. I take another drink, my eyes
slide past her, subtly. Watching her out of the corner of my eye- rapt, but not
wanting her to know how much of my attention she is actually occupying.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her hand rests on mine. I don’t move, because I don’t want
to change anything about this moment. The music has ended. I know that I should
get up, move to the computer and play more music- to extend this perfection- to
prevent anything from interfering with this brief slice of love.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I don’t want to take her hand off mine.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I watch her eyes as she looks around my living room, she
takes in the art on the walls, the pictures of the kids, the family, and her
eyes end up on my bookshelf. She glances from book to book- and I see her
confusion. Who has books? Who reads? It’s plainly illustrated across her
features as she is trying to map my persona into her world…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">She can’t hide her disdain, her smile morphs into a frown. I
see it coming, and I squeeze her hand and rise- “Need another drink?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, my go to excuse for avoidance.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shuure… “ I go to get us both another drink. A part of me
hopes that she won’t go there- but I know it’s coming- it always does, with the
simple ones.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sooo- you read a lot, huh?”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I take a long gulp, then smile, bend to kiss
her brow and hand her another beer.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you think all those books make you smart?”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t tell her what I want to, that everything that you read,
that you experience, that you absorb- makes you more. It’s too abstract to
explain. I just say- “I just like to read.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps she senses my apprehension. Maybe she feels
inadequate and wants to level the playing field in her mind. I see it coming
and I can’t stop it.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I read a lot too.” She informs me. “But I only read one
book.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course you only do, you sweet, beautiful woman, of course
you only do. Its times like this, I realize that if there is a God, he sure
loves to fuck with me.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t ask, because, really? There’s no need. But she tells
me, anyway. “The Bible.” Well,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the
sarcastic side of me says, I didn’t imagine you were re-reading Charlotte’s
Web. But the part of me that was thinking I could fall in love with her only
says… “I respect that.” But I don’t. How can I respect someone who has only
ever opened one book?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I take another big drink. She continues on, about how the
only book anyone needs is the bible and everything else just confuses the
singularity of our souls…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I take another drink. And I turn the music back up.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I tell God- Wipe that shit eating Grin off your face,
smartass.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">PostScript: </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remember a moment where I told myself that I would find
God for a girl like her. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then I think, I wish that she would’ve said to herself: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’d find reality for a boy like him”. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But in the end, all that I really wanted was a woman who
could understand me, at least a little bit. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And- she didn’t- and so, this song has ended- but I remember
its beautiful melody- wrapped up in illusion as it was…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Kirk, May 2015- Levelland, TX </span></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-80183204187174871842015-04-13T23:40:00.001-07:002015-04-13T23:40:08.098-07:00Morality in actionThinking of my friend Jerry M., who was so disgusted with me for calling out the problems with today's law enforcement. Its always harder to do the right thing.<br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">But that's the deal. Its called the Law. You either support it, and follow it, and Uphold it- OR YOU DON"T. There are no shortcuts to doing the right thing.</span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">If our law enforcement officials justify breaking the law- then it is doomed to failure. You want be a cop? You want to serve and protect? Then you have to hold yourself to higher standards. No, it ain't easy. No, its not fair that criminals break the rules-</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">You are a Cop. You are a Police officer. The SECOND that you decide you can break the law to justify - ANYTHING- you just became a criminal too. Its that simple.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><strong></strong></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I keep waiting for ONE GOOD COP to come out and stand up for what's right. I keep waiting for that ballsy Crusader who says- "This isn't right. This is NOT what this is about." I keep waiting for one cop to come out and look at a dirty cop and go= "Damn- that guy is a Disgrace to the force".</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423992055484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423995490484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155423997110484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424005310484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424007295484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424007295484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424007295484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">But I watch the news every night- and i <span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424010285484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424010285484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424010285484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">haven't seen it happen yet. What, does that mean? What does that say to everyone out there who has seen police corruption= when the good cops are obviously held in check by the bad ones?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.0.$end:0:$0:0">I've been a bad guy in the past. and i've been to jail, multiple times, and i've paid the debts i incurred, in my ignorance, in my rebelliousness, and in my willfull stupidity. And I dont screw up anymore- not because i dont want to be punished- but be</span></span><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0">cause i realize and comprehend the error of those ways. I don't want to be a dumbass, who breaks the law and makes life harder on those around me. I realize that even as a simple citizen, i have a responsibility to not fuck up- to take care of my fellow citizens- by just living right- and not taking advantage of anyone in my day to day life. Hell, even going out of my way to do a good deed or two just to make the world a better place.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424031380484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.3.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424032510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424032510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".b.1:3:1:$comment10155423990290484_10155424032510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">its not the easiest way to live- but i do believe its the right way.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-2850531538331962742015-04-08T21:11:00.003-07:002015-04-08T21:11:16.993-07:00<h1>
The Traveller-Heart</h1>
<div class="tab-content" id="about-top">
<div class="tabs-poem">
<span class="author">By <a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/vachel-lindsay"> Vachel Lindsay</a> <span class="birthyear">1879–1931</span></span> </div>
</div>
<div class="tab-content active" id="poem">
<div class="poem">
<div class="epigraph">
<i><span>(To a Man who maintained that the Mausoleum is the Stateliest Possible Manner of Interment)</span></i></div>
<div class="epigraph">
<i><span></span></i> </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I would be one with the dark, dark earth:—</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Follow the plough with a yokel tread.</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I would be part of the Indian corn,</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Walking the rows with the plumes o'erhead. </span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I would be one with the lavish earth, </span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Eating the bee-stung apples red: </span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Walking where lambs walk on the hills;</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>By oak-grove paths to the pools be led.</span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I would be one with the dark-bright night</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>When sparkling skies and the lightning wed—</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Walking on with the vicious wind</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>By roads whence even the dogs have fled.</span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I would be one with the sacred earth</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>On to the end, till I sleep with the dead.</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Terror shall put no spears through me.</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Peace shall jewel my shroud instead.</span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>I shall be one with all pit-black things</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Finding their lowering threat unsaid:</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Stars for my pillow there in the gloom,—</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Oak-roots arching about my head!</span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Stars, like daisies, shall rise through the earth,</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Acorns fall round my breast that bled.</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Children shall weave there a flowery chain,</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Squirrels on acorn-hearts be fed:—</span></div>
<br /><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Fruit of the traveller-heart of me,</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Fruit of my harvest-songs long sped:</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>Sweet with the life of my sunburned days</span></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<span>When the sheaves were ripe, and the apples red.</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-34194479286790900662015-03-03T19:50:00.004-08:002015-03-03T19:50:41.976-08:00Uncommon CoreIt's interesting how, that no matter how chaos swings this marionette, that this far-flung body always swings back to the same familiar orbit.<br />
<br />
Or maybe not so interesting...<br />
<br />
Maybe it's a matter of simplicity.<br />
<br />
Perhaps, it's a lack of forward thrust.<br />
<br />
I daresay, no one could ever argue that it was a lack of my expansive imagination.<br />
<br />
...<br />
<br />
Humble beginnings- and a deliciously, deserved humble ending- of my own choice.<br />
<br />
It's all that I ever wanted.<br />
<br />
But, endings will come soon enough. All too easy to focus on grand (or not-so grand) finale's.<br />
<br />
The trouble is not only treading water, but holding my children above the water while I do it.<br />
<br />
I do believe that I've done a good job.<br />
<br />
I don't say it lightly. <br />
<br />
I see others doubt. I see them wane, I see them fail, I see them fall, I see them weaken.<br />
<br />
I am a harsh judge- of myself, worst of all. But, judging- hell, that's almost a gift, of mine.<br />
<br />
I sift the wheat from the chaff. I boil the fat from the bone. I scatter the smoke from the fire.<br />
<br />
I gently blow on those flames, watch the falseness wift away. <br />
<br />
And I'm left with what I am left with. What matters? As always- the children. The future, the line, the legacy. Such as it is.<br />
<br />
What matters is certainly not Ourselves. And when I look around, at the shadowy half-lives led around me- by people with no conviction whose only goals surround their own petty desires, I know that I've lived true- despite it all.<br />
<br />
I used to look at the mirror- and hope I didn't flinch.<br />
I used to look at the mirror and struggle to meet my own eyes.<br />
I used to look at the mirror and want to know that I was at peace.<br />
<br />
I look in the mirror now, and smile. <br />
<br />
I've met all the goals I EVER hoped to achieve. My success has been met.<br />
But it came with a price. Now when I look at my friends, my family, everyone that I've met- I see them in my reflection- I stare at them with these unflinching eyes and their weaknesses are all too plain. I try to empathize- but hell, I don't even empathize with my own weaknesses. You fix them. Or you fucking fail. You fail yourself. You fail your children.<br />
<br />
And, I won't ever do that.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-77254913677748989482015-02-27T18:18:00.002-08:002015-02-27T18:18:31.972-08:00Good men, Good deeds, Good memoriesConfusion... Is... nothing new.<br />
<br />
Drove home in the snow... really bad roads- I've discovered the secret to driving safely in the snow: Drive Slow and Drink.<br />
<br />
Seriously.<br />
<br />
I took the girls to Grandmas. Damn plumbing fucked up on this rent house. again. sigh.<br />
<br />
Snow on the ground. lots and lots of snow. Not gonna get fixed this weekend- THIS- I know.<br />
<br />
So I drove the slow hour to Lubbock and dropped them off and grandmas.<br />
<br />
Hell, its not like I need plumbing= i'll be making drunken Led Zepplin alien marks in the snow for the next 3 days.<br />
<br />
So, I got them there, then I got my ass home. Didn't leave the truck right away... cranked the music up, and grabbed a beer out of the backseat once I was safely home. Randomly stuck the stereo on "K" and found a few choice tunes- or maybe- they found me.<br />
<br />
So closed off- when the emotions hit- they hit hard.<br />
<br />
Somehow, the memory of me selling business cards to Star Books and Comics rose up in my memory.<br />
<br />
Not because they were really awesome business cards, or anything like that-<br />
<br />
Mainly because I was desperate. <br />
<br />
its a long story. I cried over it earlier, reminiscing.<br />
<br />
I even imagined writing down the details- and a heartfelt thanks to Robert- the owner of Star- for throwing me a bone, in a time of need- that he couldn't have even understand how low I was at that moment.<br />
<br />
Its a good story.<br />
<br />
I find that I'm tired of trying to tell these stories- no matter how important they are/were to my life.<br />
<br />
Who the fuck am I trying to impress? at this point? Nobody. But, I do want to give credit where credit is due.<br />
<br />
Thank you Robert. Your good deed is not forgotten. And it fed my kids that month. <br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-44906951860035229932015-01-31T07:18:00.002-08:002015-01-31T07:18:47.120-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY11uj9OqB-R_rJcoszggAEVWXfLdWwIUX6LglQaqYizHAHwteNPjLYvmrCace4CWg6Exvcx6hIFEKKnx0BSStPc40G8EY5Js6JkdT8uaLGzo3TUYkUbcg-_671WToSBOOgvIDEUnN3OQ/s1600/drownthewitchbw.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY11uj9OqB-R_rJcoszggAEVWXfLdWwIUX6LglQaqYizHAHwteNPjLYvmrCace4CWg6Exvcx6hIFEKKnx0BSStPc40G8EY5Js6JkdT8uaLGzo3TUYkUbcg-_671WToSBOOgvIDEUnN3OQ/s1600/drownthewitchbw.JPG" height="219" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I hate her most days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, 99 out of 100, if you must know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But, sometimes I think about that 1 out of 100.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">And it’s not for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But, I think about what would make her happy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">- and what it would take-<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">For her, to be so together…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>that she would be around.. for them.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I know, right? Talk about 1 out of 100…<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">And I think to myself- as bad as I feel..sometimes-<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Not Now of course, don’t be silly-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But, damn, she must feel worse- <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I know what it’s like- having my boys taken away- <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">always there, <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">but just a little bit out of reach.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">First Andrew and Evan- <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">And then- Lauren, revisiting that nightmare on me again with
Tristan.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t ever say she didn’t win- in the end.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">But, I’m always there- waiting in the wings- for my
chance<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to swoop in and be there, when I
can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">So, when I look around, when Amy looks around, when Rain
looks around.. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">And she’s just a ghost.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s when I hate her the most, and when I feel the
sorriest for her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Centaur","serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">How easy is It- to just wait there, for the moments when
they need you.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-59771347371196040532014-10-09T22:05:00.000-07:002014-10-09T22:05:05.215-07:00They Always Come Back, part 16Conversation with a lost love<br />
<br />
10/9/14<br />
<br />
Her: I will always love you. You know that?<br />
It's kinda scary how much alike we are<br />
<br />
Him: Well, hun wish you were here - tell about some new music- everytime u introduce me to a new song I fall in love with it. I love you too.<br />
<br />
Her: You know I hate being called Hun.<br />
<br />
Him: Well Fuck.<br />
<br />
Her: HAHAHA What's on your mind? Ever heard the song Monster by Megan Myers?<br />
<br />
Him: Goddamn, I have missed you. I'll never be what u want, what u need, or even what u deserve - but I'll be damned if I say I didn't miss you.<br />
<br />
Her: I miss you too. Talk to me. What's on your mind?!<br />
<br />
Him: Just you- NOW- damn u- just you<br />
Such a beautifully wicked woman<br />
<br />
Her: I'm... sorry?<br />
No, I'm gonna take that as a compliment.<br />
<br />
Him: It was definitely, infinitely a compliment- who needs boring sedate people who play by the rules? Not I<br />
<br />
Her: I did a professional shoot earlier this year- wanna see some of my pictures?<br />
<br />
Him: Of course I do, but your pictures will never be as beautiful as the image of you in my mind the first time we made love.<br />
<br />
Her: I thought guys didn't 'make love'<br />
<br />
Him: That just shows your usual poor choice in men. A real man makes love. Any moron can fuck a girl.<br />
<br />
Her: Well... I don't recall you ever calling it that...<br />
<br />
Him: I don't know how I could call the first time with you anything BUT the epitome of lovemaking<br />
I don't have a boat. I don't have a big fat bank account. I don't have the attention span of a gnat.<br />
All that I have is my Heart and my word-and I don't let just anyone break them.<br />
<br />
Her: I have no plans of breaking anything of yours.<br />
<br />
Him: I believe that you have no plans.<br />
<br />
Her: What does that mean?? I have nothing to offer anyone- Absolutely nothing- I am just a bitter bitchy soulless wench.<br />
<br />
Him: I'm sure that your motives don't include hurting me. It's just an unfortunate side effect of the tsunami that Is K______<br />
Lucky for you that I welcome it al.<br />
<br />
Her: <br />
<br />
Him: <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-36366486550935229812014-07-01T10:01:00.001-07:002014-07-01T10:01:10.965-07:00Time has come<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Time has come</span></span></b><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So many loves lost<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And still just one life to lose<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shadows reverberate in my memories of this lost moment-<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">(or that one… I forget) <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While the present stands still as a corpse<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As still as I try to hold this life<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">not-quite-lost<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yet never, apparently, to be … found.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">II.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I try each day to give up on this addiction to – life<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Attempting to block out meanings so endlessly futile<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And reasons that just bring deeper guilt<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">III.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hold my heart, I smother it, one beat at a time<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I whisper to it softly, “Hush.. close your eyes. It will all be over soon”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Forgive, Forswear, but above all- Forget.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These open eyes have done nothing but curse me, all these years<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There will come a time, you’ll see, when no more tears- and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. Get over your hill- and see- what you find there, with grace in your heart and fly- was in your head..” Mumford and sons, After the storm<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">IV.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There will come a time, you’ll see- <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the only thing you fear- is keeping on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">V.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Endlessly twisting, this fate of mine<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Always held it in my hands- Am I lucky that way? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">or is that me taking destiny by a strong hand and shaking my own fears into submission?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have always known that I own this life<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Double edged sword, that. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Believing it, makes me understand that THIS is the future I bequeathed myself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No one to blame but me<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Own the Hell that you have given yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 138.4pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you can.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">VI.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Myself? I’m working on it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: center 3.25in;">
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fade, 7/1/2014 .. fuck, did I make it this long? Still don’t know if that’s a shame or a blessing...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-20540574630441360972014-05-14T05:40:00.004-07:002014-05-14T05:41:24.079-07:00<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Letter
to Myself: Notations on semi-insanity<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Q: If
you stop to wonder if you are insane, does that imply that you are not too far
gone? <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Q2: Or
does it indicate that you are so far over the edge of madness that you have to
ask?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">A:
Who's really sane, anyhow?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">And for
that matter who is the epitome of saneness that he (or she, heaven forbid) can
be self righteous enough to deem others lacking in that intangible quality? I,
as a doubter of the sanity of the Universe/Multiverse in general say that I am
a prime candidate for that position... but then again, I never was much into
the politics of status. O' lovely nonsense thy name is Man.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Why
delude yourself with the truth when you can simply deny reality, <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">ignore
injustice and pain, and pretend that you're having a good time?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Don't
try to define the reasons for existence- Do as most men (and <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">women)
- Be as hollow as everyone else. Beleaguering yourself with existential
ponderances will only make you see the world as it really is – <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">...And
that will only make you want to leave..!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">If life
were as simple as some perceive it to be, then the ignorant<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">would
reign and those who lived by thought would be seen as the ultimate fools <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">Hmm...
maybe it is that simple after all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">
</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">kirk - 04/19/92<b><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></span></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-884015954486513362014-05-14T05:35:00.003-07:002014-05-14T05:35:59.180-07:0022 years ago, Same thoughts,same conclusions
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">Is
it only death and dark-done deeds that rule this - this - existence?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">No
love to call your OWN, No life to really feel...Every being to use all those
around them, solely to enhance the so called quality of that
"existence". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">It
was always too easy to denounce those statements as callous and untrue. But,
but but-<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">Those
who feel AND think rather than those who either feel or think know the
terrible, sickening truth. When I was but a boy, maybe ten years old, I used to
wish that I was a dog, or a cat, or any animal but the one I am. Something that
just lived its life to survive with nary a thought to why or how. And here I
am, again. What is wisdom, that I still completely want that oblivious
existence? What is knowledge, that<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">I
find that I knew it all, when I was but ten years old? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">Enough
could be enough, except for the optimistic dream that there still can be found
a meaning, a reason, a PURPOSE. Doubter that I am, I feel that there never will
be found one, that there is none. I always went through these motions, of
doubt, of self-pity, of hate, of sorrow, of death of soul and heart; but always
there went an angel of creation, who followed my thoughts and gave me happiness
in that I was only <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoBodyTextIndent" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">one step away from the god/dream/fantasy that is
Truth.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;">I always gave the appearance of
despondency, of the despair of utter failure- and now, as i sit here, I Feel
it, for maybe the first complete time, I understand the futility of the search
for truth and know that to take my own life would be the only dignity I could
afford myself, even though no one would ever understand, ending it all for this
"life" simply because I do not allow myself the clouding of my soul,
do not allow myself to wallow in the hypocrisy in order to survive. </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">And
still, I will not die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in -0.25in 0pt 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">Therefore,
I am THE Hypocrite of hypocrites, the damned of the damned...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">God, if you truly exist,
then truly you are a spiteful old goat of a deity, for your evil
"Hope" will not let me quit, will not let me quit... And, I
persevere, for nothing? for everything-<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt;">I can only 'hope' that in
the end I will understand<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Courier New;">1992<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></div>
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-85363985286810365332014-05-04T07:57:00.002-07:002014-05-04T07:57:27.186-07:00Rolling stones-Letter to Amy<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJV2pWFyfn4">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJV2pWFyfn4</a><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Everyone, at least that I know, always considered me the bad boy- the rolling stone. </span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I get that (I earned it) but when I t comes to you and Rain, I stopped rolling. I didn't really have a choice. I suppose that I did- but that one choice in my life saved everything about me. This song- is how I have always fantasized my life to be. Its how my dad lived. Its how I was brought up, really. But, its a complicated thing... like most things are.</span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">This song, in ways, sums up a lot of the animosity between me and your mother.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I was that rolling stone- then I wasn't. This song was about me, until I changed it. In your world- this song isn't about me at all. But sometimes I wish it was. That's where your mom comes in.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">She's the rolling stone. And- as much as I hate her for it- I love her for it too. Some days I just burn with jealousy that she gets to do whatever she wants, when she wants. Free as she lets herself be. No obligations, No commitments.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Her days are her own.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">That's an intoxicating thing, in and of itself. There's less stress when you only have yourself to fend for, there's no decisions that don't benefit you and you alone.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I think of your mother, and I think of this big door with a glowing EXIT sign above it- where I can run through- and escape into myself and myself alone.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I do understand her. I understand her too much.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">it's a life without responsibility- without accountability- without thoughts for the future. And without those factors- it makes life an emptiness.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098250265484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098259385484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098263660484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098263660484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098263660484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Self is nothing, in the end. Its a lonely, empty room in a castle you may be King of- but its worth absolutely nothing if you haven't lived for someone else at least a few times in your life.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><div class="UFICommentContent" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098266700484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098266700484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098266700484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098266700484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Live for others, so that they may live. That is my lesson for the day.</span></span></span><span data-reactid=".2p.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098266700484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.3"></span></div>
</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098228790484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098230230484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098236320484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".3.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098242210484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".i.1:3:1:$comment10154098217975484_10154098244405484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-85312741092814163182014-05-01T19:16:00.002-07:002014-05-01T19:16:10.945-07:00Wanna Live forever?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEiEOR6z0XgqvF56LJdF9JNk2VyaQS_7EtglNVXTE7Gh11TfiGRYLgIWOxj3E21-b40teh7_mslpldYSxvtzmAsy8-T6zvKSGZOsgMF5dTA46qYFYZADhqqFuYQHHxbTo_msUhyphenhyphenFx88V0/s1600/wannaliveforever..JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEiEOR6z0XgqvF56LJdF9JNk2VyaQS_7EtglNVXTE7Gh11TfiGRYLgIWOxj3E21-b40teh7_mslpldYSxvtzmAsy8-T6zvKSGZOsgMF5dTA46qYFYZADhqqFuYQHHxbTo_msUhyphenhyphenFx88V0/s1600/wannaliveforever..JPG" height="317" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-86659509516881222552014-04-27T21:48:00.001-07:002014-04-27T21:49:25.147-07:00Women love me for who i "Am" if they could only change me<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">What ifs are knives in your back. The truth is, Yes, you could have settled for this person, or that person in the past- and it might have worked out. But there's Always a reason that you didn't Settle. And thank god that you didn't- because you would have only brought pain to that person, if your heart wasn't in it.</span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Some of us just weren't made for those octogenarian photo shoots into our own limelight. Some of us can't settle. We can't even settle on ourselves- HOW could we ever be expected to settle on someone else for that level of permanence. We can't. We can try. But its a doomed endeavor, I'm afraid.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Some of us aren't meant for the normal route. Just not in our blood- Deep inside- its not arrogance- its not ego-= its that we Understand - MORE than anyone else- that we would fail at this relationship horseshit- just not our thing to compromise on that level. Maybe we are too invested in ourselves, but really I think, after so many failed relationships- that its a mercy that I don't let another woman talk me into another relationship.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075563510484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075572850484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075581760484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075581760484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".30.1:3:1:$comment10154075559785484_10154075581760484:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.0:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Women always tell me they love me for who I am, but that I can change.... I admire the blind optimism of their ambition. if not their hypocrisy</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-38579214515587490272014-01-20T17:28:00.001-08:002014-01-20T17:38:38.952-08:00The Dreamer Journal<span style="color: yellow;">The Dreamer journal had a Boris Vallejo painting on the cover- Dragon Slayer.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAGoAfKE8VuxqKqJka0bJxC5AKVAFRUIdYWlbJByIcEHWurXKgQ1BtiROMAWu2f9gmnhdNKl9LuFG3tx904mfbNWkz228YRpph0sjUkTKOSvGpnI-k8ft6xSsbnscPa0z57aggYCTYbkQ/s1600/boris_+dragonslayer.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAGoAfKE8VuxqKqJka0bJxC5AKVAFRUIdYWlbJByIcEHWurXKgQ1BtiROMAWu2f9gmnhdNKl9LuFG3tx904mfbNWkz228YRpph0sjUkTKOSvGpnI-k8ft6xSsbnscPa0z57aggYCTYbkQ/s1600/boris_+dragonslayer.JPG" height="320" width="270" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: yellow;">I wrote this explanation on page 1 of the journal:</span><br />
<br />
The Cover; why?:<br />
Myself, against the powers of the unknown, striving to defeat that which is, binding the logic that holds man back and using it to unveil new (and old) mysteries.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: yellow;"><span style="color: yellow;">On</span> the inside cover I </span><span style="color: yellow;">wrote this dedication from a collection of the Marquis de Sade's writing I had:</span><br />
<br />
"My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others! My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it; and were it, I'd not do so. This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in Life; It alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it composes all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking, but the manner of thinking of others has caused my unhappiness. The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much, and laugh at the inevitable.<br />
<br />
The Marquis De Sade<br />
<br />
<span style="color: yellow;">On the Dedication/Title page I wrote the following:</span><br />
<br />
For Enlightenment, Entertainment<br />
In the interest of furthering my own knowledge of myself, life and my thoughts of the cohesive spirits which hold all together- Fade 10/13/93<br />
<br />Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-40278358515777617722014-01-20T17:09:00.000-08:002014-01-20T17:09:03.172-08:00Entry 2, Book of Love journalAugust 20, 1994<br />
<br />
We love each other. All those years that I practiced arrogance and mistrust, all the times I hurt others in order to not be hurt, All my life-pretending not to <u>know</u> love, afraid of it, unsure of all that it held for my future. All my Life, Love is all that I ever wanted...<br />
<br />
- And so suddenly those dreams were answered -<br />
<br />
... So, why am I alone, here writing in a dark room, regretting my failures- to trust, to commit and to love her as unconditionally as she does me?<br />
<br />
Fool. Vain, Selfish, and simply stupid. What a total fool I have been... I've been twisted into worshipping sex and style and materials rather than trust and happiness- and LOVE<br />
<br />
I can't believe that I'm<u> still</u> learning new things about relationships and love, when I thought that I knew it all, long ago...<br />
<br />
Learning even now, I can't believe that I've been shutting everything down, just existing, I haven't even been in full control. Everything's been on autopilot.<br />
<br />
Well, I'm back, Let's see if I can pull us out...<br />
<br />
Let's see if <u>we</u> can pull us out.<br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-1765286555716063872014-01-20T16:54:00.000-08:002014-01-20T16:54:21.275-08:00April 1999 - Skeleton Journal1st entry, Skeleton Journal 4/18/99<br />
<br />
Well, since my other books are poems, thoughts, dreams,etc. I will just make this one a simple journal. Document my daily tribulations and whatnot. Here goes...<br />
<br />
It's a Sunday night, about 10:45. Andrea and I are the only ones here, Steve Wariner is playing on the stereo, the haunting yet optimistic song "Holes in the floor of Heaven.". A whole lot happened this weekend. Too damn much, in fact. Started off Friday with Clayton and Bubba going to jail. No big deal there. A little respite for me, actually- and hopefully some meaningful reflection for the two of them. It's hard to write about this because I have talked to about ten people this weekend about those two, and it's getting to be a stale conversation. Suffice it to say: They have screwed up for the last time- (well at least around me). Clayton is supposed to get out around midnight tonight. I had decided to tell him to go someplace else. but I don't really know exactly what I will do until I do it. I can't take care of my friends indefinitely. Even though they don't seem to have a problem with it (Yah right). <br />
<br />
Andrea is right at seven and a half months pregnant now. She is expecting a girl. Amethyst Sky Berryhill- Amy for short. If it was a boy, the name was to be Tristan Cain. But it looks like a girl. My first daughter- and Andrea's first child. We have just about everything we need, changing table, carseats, stroller, etc,etc, etc. It hasn't been a bad pregnancy. Andrea hasn't been a bit of trouble, like all my married friends have said. Of course, Andrea isn't a bitch, like your normal woman. She really is a gem. I thank god or whoever is responsible for bringing her to me every time that I curl up next to her at night. She has been dealing with this latest crisis quite well. I think that she has wanted me to put my foot down long ago, but bless her heart, she trusts me to do the right thing without any undue (or due) nagging. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I don't want to go on and on about my troubles. I worked on the yard all day, after taking Andrea out to Zoo-kini's restaurant for lunch. We relaxed at home, made love and started to watch a movie, What Dreams May Come. Ric and Cyndi showed up and watched with us. The movie was great, really a thought provoking one. It was the kind of movie that makes you set back and take stock of what you have in life. I am happy to have two wonderful sons and a wife that I thought couldn't possibly exist. And I appreciate their love, and their very existence very much. They ARE my life. Well. its getting late, and I'm getting tired. I guess this is a weird way to start a journal, but there it is... Bye.<br />
<br />
Entry 2 Skeleton Journal 4/19/99<br />
Quick Entry: I'm surfing the internet, drinking Mickies left over from the weekend. Andrea's taking a bath. I just won an argument about Ally Mcbeal - about the John "Guy's" age. Yes! I rule! Anyway- I just remembered my new journal thingie and decided to enter something over not writing in the damn thing at all- (Dedication Baby! Aren't you jealous?) Alright gotta go! - KirkFadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-80411213151749300542014-01-19T17:48:00.004-08:002014-01-19T17:48:32.560-08:00And they read...<span style="color: yellow;">I've decided to transcribe my personal journals into the Tubez... There are three main ones, the Dreamer journal, the 'book of love', and the skeleton journal. I've no plan how to do this, i'll just transcribe entries as I see fit.</span><br />
<span style="color: yellow;"></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow;">This is the first thing that I wrote into the "Book of Love" undated-</span><br />
<br />
...And they read, and they laughed- They scorned his writings as non-intellectual, hypocritical, and nonsensical-<br />
But they didn't understand.<br />
<br />
He laughed <u>at</u> himself, <u>with </u>himself and <u>for</u> himself. He knew that nothing mattered, as he knew his writings didn't... Even though they meant everything to him, He knew to everyone else it would all be gobbledy-gook, unintelligible gibberish.<br />
<br />
He Cared Not. The writing was his salvation- the <u>EXPLANATION,</u> the all-important explanation for life, for living,... Without that expression, he was nothing. - Oblivion in a shell.<br />
<br />
- In His world- He was <u>God</u>. He was <u>all</u>. Not arrogantly, not selfishly- but in order to save his heart, and his being- he had to become his <u>own</u> god- <br />
<br />
And so, he did...<br />
He did.<br />
He was.<br />
He IS.<br />
<br />
And ever will be, in spirit,<br />
<br />
His own <u>god</u>...<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-64531875219483789392014-01-19T17:27:00.001-08:002014-01-19T17:27:53.386-08:00Chasin mah tailForever chasing the women who don't need me.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong. I appreciate her honesty. She doesn't pretend. She don't blow smoke, much as I'd like her to. She's not troubled by these damnable illusions- That I love so fucking much... Or- If she is- it's not something that she shares with her lover. Because, that's what I am. I suspect (Strongly) that this is what I'm damned/destined to be- in her world.<br />
<br />
LOL- "She's just not that into YOU"<br />
<br />
At least we have the SEX- And, mind you, it IS ALL CAPS SEX. Its not just good, its MF-ing Awesome. So, for once, I'm trying to trade UP on that.<br />
<br />
Trying to get a woman to Love me- for the Sex...<br />
<br />
The irony is NOT lost on me. Ha! She's in bed- and I'm up Writing/drinking. I KNOW the answer. I just don't want to accept it.<br />
<br />
1/18/14<br />
<br />
FADE<br />
<br />
Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5397279377951683243.post-42483450960617006132014-01-19T17:09:00.002-08:002014-01-19T17:09:49.399-08:00Retrospect - haiku<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWy8lSN882aDdniIAC8v9p76JWCeMtiS9OKFSkapzwH8uiejGRzRsJ1K7qnUhpaIEGgu1CoDqITOBEjskRmcT7EEGqH9-OTA80CYOFy9GGu4bpA_0kaHxIWF43W3Qto_0vFXency0Nilo/s1600/atheists+in+foxholes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWy8lSN882aDdniIAC8v9p76JWCeMtiS9OKFSkapzwH8uiejGRzRsJ1K7qnUhpaIEGgu1CoDqITOBEjskRmcT7EEGqH9-OTA80CYOFy9GGu4bpA_0kaHxIWF43W3Qto_0vFXency0Nilo/s1600/atheists+in+foxholes.jpg" height="320" width="250" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Dark Passions Dying<br />
Thoughts of a Time I still cared<br />
Slow death of a Fool<br />
<br />
Retrospect<br />
<br />
<br />Fadedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11424781470408263435noreply@blogger.com0