Monday, January 30, 2012

The wisdom of a closed mouth

True Wisdom is knowing when to explain yourself and when to leave the clueless to their own ignorant conclusions.

My old philosophy was saving the world, one asshole at a time.

My new one is to let the assholes be assholes, to their own eventual undoing.

You can't save em all.

And sometimes, they look so cute tying the noose around their own necks.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Bastard love

It's tough out here for a hardass, like me or Bubba.

What else do we got? We had to be tougher than those invisible Dads that weren't here for us.

We had to live with the shadow of their shadows. Every day we lived with the hope and fear that we'd come face to face with them some day... And that we'd swallow all those lost feelings of wanting something that was never there- And kick that sorry fucking piece of shits ass. And, that, is the hardest core there is.

It's hard to explain, I guess.

You want it, all your life growing up, and then you want nothing more than to find him and pay every bit of pain back, with fucking interest. And then you get older again, and you document your own debts to your own children. And you want their forgiveness, and so you reach out, and bestow that forgiveness on that mystery figure of a dad that you never had. Even though he aint there, never been there, and even HE knows, in his deepest heart of hearts thats it nots a good idea at this point to look up his long lost sonny.

But. Its too damn late. We've lived each day like it was our last... for far too fucking long.

And it wears on your soul. You can find redemption. It is there. But accepting it, deep inside, after you've hated life for so long, is another thing entirely.

"There ain't no coming back." This, is a truth. But we can still go forward. But, before I do. I just want to say:

FUCK YOU BUCK ALLEN. Fuck your sorry soul to the pits of whatever hells I can envision. Fuck you for the cowardly piece of shit you are. If you ever find redemption, I hope the knowledge of the children you left behind harries your conscience for all eternity.

Maybes that are more than maybe

maybe- I've been fighting the inevitable ...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Time Capsule 39-winter-sober-captainslog

Girl scouts stuff is killing me... Ugh. 3 meetings this week and we are doing some massive garage sale that we have to set up for Friday and then do all day Saturday. Never mind that I had the first date I've had in six months set up for Friday.... So, maybe cancelling that, not sure how much time its going to take. I KNOW we have to raise money for this trip for the girls to Washington, but jeez this nonstop fundraising crap is a pain in my ass.

It'll be worth it for the girls in the end, but right now it consumes just about every little bit of free time that I have. I got a promotion, sort of= it wasn't a payraise promotion, I just got selected to move to a different team that has more complex duties. I feel good, since I was the one asked for specifically, so that was good. It will open another door in the company, be one more aspect of the system that I will now be versed in. So, that's all good. It isn't an actual position shift, I still have the same office, same pay level. But when annual reviews come this March, I'm hoping this will boost my stock a bit more than normal.

The most immediate impact is that now, I can do all the duties I was doing, plus this team is overwhelmed and short-staffed. So, OVERTIME. All I want. So I go in an hour before my regular 9 hour shift and then work a little afterwards, if the girls don't have anything pressing. Then I can go in Saturday and Sunday too, if there's nothing else on the girls' agenda that I have to handle. The new position is a lot more troubled and chaotic and only one of the team members seems to be on the ball whatsoever, so its a lot of fun for someone like me, who loves to re-build entire processes to my own liking and implement efficiencies that seem obvious to me but which are overlooked by the other employee's mainly cause they just don't give a shit. My brain is always stuck in high gear, so it was a little overwhelming at first, and now, I'm settling in and fixing things the way I want them. So, its pretty much a win-win, all around.

Mmmm what else is new? Not much. My life is pretty much just kids and my job right now. I guess that's all it has been for years, now. ? I have been starting to think more about the book I wanted to write for the kids= the "Primitive Blood" cross-history of Native American philosophy/lore and Celtic philosophy/lore. I need a new computer so I can start the research in earnest. I want it to be almost a bible of a tome of old world tribal heathenism in its most righteous form. I think I'm the best qualified to re=kindle the old flames with a new form of fiery faith.

But, then, I think I'm best qualified for everything, so go figure...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Tebow Vs. Romo

Yes, fellow Cowboys fans, another disappointing year. But going thru this post-season, don't let them trash-talk Romo. He did his part this season, and, as the statistics show- was a helluva lot better QB than Tebow this year.

Romo had the 4th Highest QB Rating in the league this year. 102.5. Tebow is at the bottom of the list with a 72.9. Romo was ranked at 7th in the nfl. Tebow? #31.Romo threw for over 4000 yards this year, and averaged 261 a game. Tebow ? His yards per game is DEAD LAST at 123.5.

In every single stat, Romo is at the top of the list, and Tebow is at the bottom. That's what so irritating. The idiots at ESPN spitting out his name every 5 seconds and all these band-wagon morons.

Okay, the guy prays at football games. I, for one, hate seeing that crap - on a deeply religious level. I think it belittles your relationship with God putting it on display like that after a fricking Touchdown- as if your prayers were awarded by Jesus in order to win a GAME. A game that is based on profits and capitalism. The christians who were going around spouting off that this was "God's team" WTF? are truly a special kind of moron. The bible has specific passages on ostentatious display of your "faith". So, prayers or not, Tebow,one of the worst quarterbacks of the league loses in the playoffs. Suhprise, Suhprise, ya'll. There's a REASON why bookies made those ridiculous longshot odds for Tebow to win the superbowl.

Now, enough about the Flavor of the Weak, Tim Tebow. The Saints lost ! Yes! So, my brother won't have bragging rights for the rest of the year. The Steelers lost ! Yes ! They have too many superbowl wins for my taste. I just hope the Packers can lose next.

And as for the Cowboys, the NFL team with a great quarterback and an okay running game? Someone put Jerry Jones in a home for Senile assholes and DEFENSE UNFUCK YOURSELVES!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Almost here....

‎"He came like the wind, like the wind touched everything, and like the wind, was gone."

A Memory of Light fast approacheth....

52 book reviews listed on Amazon, for a book that isnt out .... yet.

Only a few more months before A Memory of Light comes out. I've been reading this story since I was 22. I just finished re-reading Gathering Storm and begin re-reading Towers of Midnight tomorrow. Fuck Tolkien, with his incessant overwritten blather. Fuck George R2 Martin, with his tv-script plot twists and machavelli worshipping undertow of a moral.

HERE is a writer who drives you to be something better than you are.
Here is the blood of heroes.
Jordan's writing is something Robert E. Howard can be proud of.

Wherever, Jordan is, wherever Howard is- I can only one day hope to join them and reminisce.

from The Gathering Storm:

"A short time longer. He only had to keep things balanced a short time longer. Then it could end. And he found that he was beginning to look forward to that end as much as Lews Therin did.
You promised we could die, Lews Therin said between distant sobs.
I did, Rand said. And we will."