Bastard love

It's tough out here for a hardass, like me or Bubba.

What else do we got? We had to be tougher than those invisible Dads that weren't here for us.

We had to live with the shadow of their shadows. Every day we lived with the hope and fear that we'd come face to face with them some day... And that we'd swallow all those lost feelings of wanting something that was never there- And kick that sorry fucking piece of shits ass. And, that, is the hardest core there is.

It's hard to explain, I guess.

You want it, all your life growing up, and then you want nothing more than to find him and pay every bit of pain back, with fucking interest. And then you get older again, and you document your own debts to your own children. And you want their forgiveness, and so you reach out, and bestow that forgiveness on that mystery figure of a dad that you never had. Even though he aint there, never been there, and even HE knows, in his deepest heart of hearts thats it nots a good idea at this point to look up his long lost sonny.

But. Its too damn late. We've lived each day like it was our last... for far too fucking long.

And it wears on your soul. You can find redemption. It is there. But accepting it, deep inside, after you've hated life for so long, is another thing entirely.

"There ain't no coming back." This, is a truth. But we can still go forward. But, before I do. I just want to say:

FUCK YOU BUCK ALLEN. Fuck your sorry soul to the pits of whatever hells I can envision. Fuck you for the cowardly piece of shit you are. If you ever find redemption, I hope the knowledge of the children you left behind harries your conscience for all eternity.