Joys in life

I told her i loved her tonight...

I could say I am not sure why I said it- but that's bullshit.

I wanted her to know. Not because I'm selling anything. Not because I'm trying to take her for my own...

Because- i wanted her to know. She brings joy to my life. And I appreciate that. So little does these days...

I WANT to be what you all want me to be. I just CANT. i know why, but the why doesnt help -a-fucking-thing.

Giving in is too much like Giving up

I'm going to choke this bitch for all she's worth.

I DONT want anyone else. Cuz then I'd have to give up doing what i want, whenever I want, every fucking day for the rest of my fucking life.

Last night, in the ride to the party
I started talking about the things I truly enjoy

Its a short list

What, I asked myself, do I enjoy, completely, ultimately, consistently?

No matter what the situation- No matter what else is going on-
Three things make me happy everytime. I could organize them in any way I want, but i'll just list them in the order as they occurred to me:
DRINKING: Never fails. And it makes me feel good.
FUCKING: I'm good a it. And it makes me feel good.
Taking care of my kids: The only worthwhile endeavor on my list. I dont put it here because it makes me look like less of an asshole. i put it here, because I love it and it brings me all the happiness in the world. Even better than drinking and fucking, cuz there's no guilt involved.