K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple, Shithead-

Things looking up lately. The whole dating thang, not so much, really. But it is probably why I don't date much anyway- I probably don't want the constant companionship.

Nice girls. Nice feelings. Nice dates.

Nice just don't cut it, for me. That way lies complacency and disinterest. I just haven't met anyone who really has that gravitational pull- the woman who draws me into her orbit and I can't just walk away from. I'll find her.

It make take blasting through a few solar systems though...

But everything else is going good. The job- couldn't be better. Accolades, challenges, rewards. Definitely keeps me interested. The kids- we are definitely coming into the teen years. But, I rule with a firm, yet fair hand. Theres some mutual respect going on. We ALL know what we should be doing, and when we aren't doing it.

Sometimes, I think, that around this Podunk town- where I normally would be ostracized- that my kids are what garner me the most respect. They'd love to label me the way they want... But, all they have is their own clueless misconceptions. And they see how good both my daughters are, and scratch their heads, and kind of have to tilt their heads sideways a bit when they look at me, as if to wrap their heads around this heathen beer swilling metalhead man who doesnt go to any of their churches, being a better dad than most of them.

I'd love to say half the reason I do it is just to drive the villagers crazy, but its just me. I'm a good dad. Who the fuck expected THAT?

Money= even that is doing better. I'm still working on the inner psychology of my perpetual wanton misuse of finances. It's like I don't want to have money because I fear it will corrupt me the way it did my dad. I guess that's the heart of it= that, and my mother was always so much happier than Dad, poor as she always was... Is this some inner tithe I pay at Her altar? Respect for her way, the indian way I sometimes don't even think she realized she embraced subconsciously, while I simultaneously disrespect the white, christian man's Real God - Money?

Hammer, meet Nailhead.

I still live in my own little world. I work it, churn it, twist it, and mold it to fit MY way. And it does work out most of the time. I'll admit, its a lot of work to fight it that way- but Its damn sure worth it, in the end.

Listening to old shit while I muse... not too old tho, Whitey Ford heh. "God forbid you ever have to walk a mile in his shoes, cause then you might really know what its like to have to lose"

It's my world baby- you're just dying in it! And, meanwhile, I'm dying in yours. Odd, how that whole bigger picture works.

Life is good. This minute. Stay tuned, I'll let you know how the next decade ends up