Everyone, at least that I know, always considered me the bad boy- the rolling stone.
I get that (I earned it) but when I t comes to you and Rain, I stopped rolling. I didn't really have a choice. I suppose that I did- but that one choice in my life saved everything about me. This song- is how I have always fantasized my life to be. Its how my dad lived. Its how I was brought up, really. But, its a complicated thing... like most things are.
This song, in ways, sums up a lot of the animosity between me and your mother.
I was that rolling stone- then I wasn't. This song was about me, until I changed it. In your world- this song isn't about me at all. But sometimes I wish it was. That's where your mom comes in.
She's the rolling stone. And- as much as I hate her for it- I love her for it too. Some days I just burn with jealousy that she gets to do whatever she wants, when she wants. Free as she lets herself be. No obligations, No commitments.
Her days are her own.
That's an intoxicating thing, in and of itself. There's less stress when you only have yourself to fend for, there's no decisions that don't benefit you and you alone.
I think of your mother, and I think of this big door with a glowing EXIT sign above it- where I can run through- and escape into myself and myself alone.
I do understand her. I understand her too much.
it's a life without responsibility- without accountability- without thoughts for the future. And without those factors- it makes life an emptiness.
Self is nothing, in the end. Its a lonely, empty room in a castle you may be King of- but its worth absolutely nothing if you haven't lived for someone else at least a few times in your life.
Live for others, so that they may live. That is my lesson for the day.
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