Wednesday, April 17, 2013

All these women love me-

that's what they tell me! they do!


not sure where they are when i need them..?

They'll be around- They love me- why wouldn't hey come looking?

I have the ones I love, i have the ones that love ME- very seldom have i met anyone who i Love who loves me bck?

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Autism Discussion

K: Is Everyone just more self-aware, or ultrasensitive to it now? Is Autism the new ADHD? My son is a difficult boy, He's been kicked out of daycare for his "issues". And maybe i'm totally wrong here- but i dont want to throw a label on him like its a fucking crutch. He's four, and he reads at a 2nd grade level. I know 8 year olds that know less math than he does.

He's difficult. I was difficult (and probably still am). I know he's my precious offspring- but he'll be alright. He'll live thru this, and I will do my job as his dad and help him make it thru. And he doesnt need special treatment. he doesnt need a cheering group of apologists to explain why he's difficult. He NEEDS difficulty. We all do.

My biggest worry is that his mother, in all her infinite wisdom- will shelter him too much in light of his "diagnosis" and thus stunt him. My greatest achievements have always been in despite of what those around me said i'd never be able to do. Giving people easy outs and easy excuses ARENT giving them favors. Let him struggle. Please give ALL my kids trials and tribulations and TESTS that make them fight to survive on their own merits.

What the hell use is anyone who can't stand against the storms?

N: At the same time, having modifications done in the way he is taught to accommodate for difficulties he is struggling with can make the difference between success and pure frustration.

K: He's in a special school right to help accomodate him. I think these extra efforts may make things easier for him in the now (and honestly-easier for the adults around him to handle him) but- the special treatment also prevents him from learning the harsh reality of just dealing with other kids. Kids can be cruel. Kids can be great too. But he'll never get that dose of reality in the bubble of protection he's stuck in- and make no mistake- its teachers and daycare folks that gave him this label- He didnt fit in with the others- and he caused them an extra headache cuz he's rowdy, cuz he's withdrawn at times, because our society has to stamp a label on everyone who doesnt fit the cookie cutter mold. And so, for these "experts" my son got the autism label. Because he's not like the other kids- Except- Ooops! Now 1 out of 5 kids is "autistic" too- cuz they arent the expectation, but they are a growing number.

N: Having accommodations made now will not prevent him from learning how to cope, it will help him manage and prosper in school as he matures and develops coping mechanisms to learn in a system that isn't necessarily designed for how he learns. Feel strongly that addressing issues is how you ensure your child's success, not just pretending there is no problem or they just need to buck up, be disciplined harder, etc.

K: Is it societal and social evolution? Are more kids this way because of the drastically changed environment they are raised in"? Are the levels of "Autism" increased in other environments/cultures- or just the ones in industrially advanced nations?

N: Think it is probably occurring more because of environmental factors and probably also just recognized more now than it was 20 years ago as society and medicine have advanced.
PS, you post about how he reads at 2nd grade level, I think you are looking at diagnosis wrong. Kids with autism are very intelligent, often have very high iqs, just respond to stimulation and learn differently. Not something that needs to be looked at as a problem or negative, just something you need to accommodate for so that he can be happy and have a good experience in school.

K: I understand there are Autistic kids out there- kids with real issues- but the autism label is ballooning to cover every problem there is- and way too many overprotective moms are willingly pushing their kids into that bubble. Like my ex. Tristan is a rowdy boy. He's got no disabilities, but he's withdrawn around children- he gravitates towards adults. He is "dysfunctional" around kids, according to the powers-that-be- which happen to be loser ass daycare providers.

N: There are different levels of autism, he may be borderline and some sensory therapies and adjustments in his curriculum such as more/different structure, transitions between activities, etc could make a huge difference in his behavior and school experience.

K: Now, we can milk that dysfunction, and accentuate it and emphasize it- or we can minimize it and allow him to get out there and deal with it by experiencing it. Every parent sees it with their kids- at the playground, your kid first gets there and is a wallflower, and you can either walk over there and hold his hand and baby him- or you can leave him alone- and walk a few feet away- and let him acclimate himself to the situation... and shortly ... guess what- he'll be playing with those kids he was very standoffish with a few minutes ago

N: Ok, I'm just going to agree to disagree with you on this one.

K: Mothers Nurture to protect, Fathers strenghten and toughen to protect. Being the only parent that my girls have access to, I try to struggle to find the right balance for them. I'm still tough but fair. With my boys, all of them- I was/am harder. They have their mothers for the nurturing unlike the girls. I am a little harsher to them to build that thicker skin. I try to teach discipline with reason, not service to rules for their own sake. I prefer them a little chaotic, artsy, thoughtful and rebellious. Don't disrespect me and I'll never disrespect you is a very basic lesson in my home. Disrespect others and you better be damn well prepared to reap what you sow if you do. Twenty years ago, it was ADD, now i see all the same problems labeled as Autism. I know how to raise my kids. Neither Andrew nor Tristan has any disabilities in my eyes- each of my children has their own difficulties, all of them have their perfections as well. You work with what they arent good at- until they are good at it- if its something important to their development or their future. I guess people can label their own kids, if they must, but I'm not going to label mine.