Autism Discussion

K: Is Everyone just more self-aware, or ultrasensitive to it now? Is Autism the new ADHD? My son is a difficult boy, He's been kicked out of daycare for his "issues". And maybe i'm totally wrong here- but i dont want to throw a label on him like its a fucking crutch. He's four, and he reads at a 2nd grade level. I know 8 year olds that know less math than he does.

He's difficult. I was difficult (and probably still am). I know he's my precious offspring- but he'll be alright. He'll live thru this, and I will do my job as his dad and help him make it thru. And he doesnt need special treatment. he doesnt need a cheering group of apologists to explain why he's difficult. He NEEDS difficulty. We all do.

My biggest worry is that his mother, in all her infinite wisdom- will shelter him too much in light of his "diagnosis" and thus stunt him. My greatest achievements have always been in despite of what those around me said i'd never be able to do. Giving people easy outs and easy excuses ARENT giving them favors. Let him struggle. Please give ALL my kids trials and tribulations and TESTS that make them fight to survive on their own merits.

What the hell use is anyone who can't stand against the storms?

N: At the same time, having modifications done in the way he is taught to accommodate for difficulties he is struggling with can make the difference between success and pure frustration.

K: He's in a special school right to help accomodate him. I think these extra efforts may make things easier for him in the now (and honestly-easier for the adults around him to handle him) but- the special treatment also prevents him from learning the harsh reality of just dealing with other kids. Kids can be cruel. Kids can be great too. But he'll never get that dose of reality in the bubble of protection he's stuck in- and make no mistake- its teachers and daycare folks that gave him this label- He didnt fit in with the others- and he caused them an extra headache cuz he's rowdy, cuz he's withdrawn at times, because our society has to stamp a label on everyone who doesnt fit the cookie cutter mold. And so, for these "experts" my son got the autism label. Because he's not like the other kids- Except- Ooops! Now 1 out of 5 kids is "autistic" too- cuz they arent the expectation, but they are a growing number.

N: Having accommodations made now will not prevent him from learning how to cope, it will help him manage and prosper in school as he matures and develops coping mechanisms to learn in a system that isn't necessarily designed for how he learns. Feel strongly that addressing issues is how you ensure your child's success, not just pretending there is no problem or they just need to buck up, be disciplined harder, etc.

K: Is it societal and social evolution? Are more kids this way because of the drastically changed environment they are raised in"? Are the levels of "Autism" increased in other environments/cultures- or just the ones in industrially advanced nations?

N: Think it is probably occurring more because of environmental factors and probably also just recognized more now than it was 20 years ago as society and medicine have advanced.
PS, you post about how he reads at 2nd grade level, I think you are looking at diagnosis wrong. Kids with autism are very intelligent, often have very high iqs, just respond to stimulation and learn differently. Not something that needs to be looked at as a problem or negative, just something you need to accommodate for so that he can be happy and have a good experience in school.

K: I understand there are Autistic kids out there- kids with real issues- but the autism label is ballooning to cover every problem there is- and way too many overprotective moms are willingly pushing their kids into that bubble. Like my ex. Tristan is a rowdy boy. He's got no disabilities, but he's withdrawn around children- he gravitates towards adults. He is "dysfunctional" around kids, according to the powers-that-be- which happen to be loser ass daycare providers.

N: There are different levels of autism, he may be borderline and some sensory therapies and adjustments in his curriculum such as more/different structure, transitions between activities, etc could make a huge difference in his behavior and school experience.

K: Now, we can milk that dysfunction, and accentuate it and emphasize it- or we can minimize it and allow him to get out there and deal with it by experiencing it. Every parent sees it with their kids- at the playground, your kid first gets there and is a wallflower, and you can either walk over there and hold his hand and baby him- or you can leave him alone- and walk a few feet away- and let him acclimate himself to the situation... and shortly ... guess what- he'll be playing with those kids he was very standoffish with a few minutes ago

N: Ok, I'm just going to agree to disagree with you on this one. ;)

K: Forcing Tristan into the bubble of Autism fits an overprotective agenda perfectly. Me, I dont know much- but I know i put my kids before me in every situation, no matter what. And I know, deep inside, that I am failing my son when I allow him to be stuck in that same bubble

N:  I'm going to say one thing and drop it, educators and drs don't just get a kick out of diagnosing a child with autism and do it without very thorough testing and observation. Diagnosis usually involves interviewing parents, teachers, family, reviewing childs history, testing and observing child, etc. It is not a diagnosis that is just thrown around and randomly applied.

TW: I hope that does not happen, coddling a child normally has negative results.... coping skills are learned, maybe drugging our children is the problem, especially when they do not have the opportunity to learn the skills they need to handle life....

LW: Kirk, you know what I've been thru with Rj. The boys are alot alike. I'm grateful for the early intervention. The speech has improved so much. And his OT has given him appropriate outlets for his energy and sensory issues. And it's not a matter of holding him back. It's about giving him the proper tools to succeed, and giving me the insight, confidence, and techniques to help him. I don't shy from challenges or hardships, or from the real world. He's in a integrated preschool class with " regular" students. And it's been great for him. He's learning what every 4 yo should be. Letters and numbers and sharing and how to sit for story time. He can't ride a tricycle, but he can give you a half hour lecture on termites. He can't hold still, but he can tell all about pandas, where they live and what they eat. He won't look at you, but he will shower you with tight hugs and snobbery kisses. He is who he is. He's not a diagnosis, or a set of issues. He's my son and we do what we have to to get thru each day.Don't blame the diagnosis, just the way it's being handled.I never followed thru with genetic testing, or much of anything as far as testing, because I don't CARE why. He's Rj. He's awesome. It is what it is and I love him the same no matter what.

A: Nikki I know that this may not come as a shock to you that I am siding with the one person in my life I can call reliable, but I am. I can relate to Tristan's situation, because I am living a very similar life and I can tell you for a fact that there is nothing worse than being brought up knowing and being perceived as something being wrong with you. There is no greater crutch than this. It is very likely that Tristan will retreat into this crutch due to outside influence beyond his understanding, until of course it becomes trivial past in which he will hopefully except it for what it is and move on. I can tell you this though, there is one saving grace and it is Kirk Berryhill while he has his many flaws, one of the greatest things he does is raise his children with the wisdom to tell the bullshit from the truth, and give them the strength to put that bullshit in its rightful place. Tristan's life WILL be filled with obstacles and I believe its a parents job NOT to be one of them, even if it means a little tough love.

K: Mothers Nurture to protect, Fathers strenghten and toughen to protect. Being the only parent that my girls have access to, I try to struggle to find the right balance for them. I'm still tough but fair. With my boys, all of them- I was/am harder. They have their mothers for the nurturing unlike the girls. I am a little harsher to them to build that thicker skin. I try to teach discipline with reason, not service to rules for their own sake. I prefer them a little chaotic, artsy, thoughtful and rebellious. Don't disrespect me and I'll never disrespect you is a very basic lesson in my home. Disrespect others and you better be damn well prepared to reap what you sow if you do. Twenty years ago, it was ADD, now i see all the same problems labeled as Autism. I know how to raise my kids. Neither Andrew nor Tristan has any disabilities in my eyes- each of my children has their own difficulties, all of them have their perfections as well. You work with what they arent good at- until they are good at it- if its something important to their development or their future. I guess people can label their own kids, if they must, but I'm not going to label mine.