I pass the crown

I believe that i have finally found someone who hates love more than me.

May be kind of odd, that it took me this long to figure it out.

Possibly willful blindness on my part.

People who want to hate love - are just afraid of it. When you've been burned so many times, its just a natural response.

And, at that point, what's NOT to be afraid of? It's all surrender, and never any victory in sight- UNLESS, you just happen to have found your "True Love"

And, well- thats just so much bullshit to me- Even when it involves "happy" couples, but i digress.

And double-blind spot- me- the "Andrea" thing.

So many emotions, I don't even trust myself to really completely form thoughts properly.

- we were always so much alike- and we responded in so OPPOSITE ways.

Like Shawn, both of us saw our Dads beat our mothers- I grew up to despise that, to a sometimes uncontrollable level of rage towards men who even hint towards being abusive to women.
Shawn, on the other hand, gravitated towards a need to control the woman in his life- to the point of violence-when she doesn't respond in the way most desired by him.

And its so antithesis to my being- that sentence above is actually the FIRST time i;ve even tried to understand it. I've beat up Shawn for manhandling a girlfriend. To me, its weakness, its control-freak ultra-masculine, domination psychology. Its Wrong.

And who am i to label my morality on the world around me, but= BUT nothing. Your freedom ends when it impinges upon the freedom of the person next to you.

And, i realize i care- even about the abstract.

And even though i take great pains to pretend NOT to give a shit- i cant deny my own nature,

No more than i can deny Andrea's. She cannot ALLOW herslef the heady illusion of Love, of respect, of self-awareness,.of surrender.