Thursday, February 26, 2009

All swagger aside-

Never Mistake your presence for the event.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Look me in the eyes when you kill me, motherfucker.

If you've got the balls.

Pride is a poor substitute. Not even the same animal.

This ain't pride. This ain't some piss-poor ego trip

This is how it fuckin is, and it is what it is-

when you see it, you know it.

FUCK your illusions and screw your delusions

I try to be a good guy, I really fucking do. All for naught, sometimes. I don't even remember what things like fear or regret are... All I know is what I am. And self-control is the biggest gift I've got.

But sometimes, I just don't feel like giving.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Fake it if you don't belong

another day, another theme song.

Pop culture existence

Who's to know if your soul will fade at all?

The longer I live, the better I become, and yet the more I hope that there is no afterlife.

Fuck Heaven, Hell and all the in-between.

What's in a dream? What is a dream, to someone who's lived out all his only real fantasies? All except Fame- but I know myself enough to know that I'd hate that shit and I would allow it to change me.

Better this small slice of infamy- I am the man, the myth. I'm THAT fucker. The guy that doesn't doubt himself. The one who threw away his inheritance because I wouldn't let myself be lessened and wouldn't submit to someone who was so much less than I.

I've got my own little weird pride. Sometimes in the wrong things, and I realize that. But most of the time I pride myself on being better than everyone around me. And I mean that in the most sincere way. It's all I've got, after all. I'm a better father than any of my friends and family. I work harder, I strive harder. I do more with less expectation of reward, and some could consider that a flaw, not a gift. But I embrace that gift with my own brand of self-flagellative bliss. I can handle the pain better than YOU. I'm tough. And I'm true to myself and my friends. I take care of them, even when they abandon me. Fuck it= I can look them in the eye and know I am better, and they can see it too. I've never met anyone quite like me...

And I hope the fuck that I never do.

Makes this throne easier to sit in.

"King of the Dipshits" It ain't much. But its still better than being just a fucking everyman.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Hell is here

I can't Drink myself to sleep! I can't get drunk! What the fuck is wrong with me?

Momma Sed

* This was the first musical track off the album I made for Bubba for Christmas, but never got around to sending him...

Discography of the "Daddy Sed Album"

Seven Seals- Bill Hicks
Momma Sed- Puscifer
Big Little Baby - The Rev
Captain Caveman
My Dad's a Fkn Alcoholic - Hate Fuck Trio
Doin Time - (Original Mix) Sublime
Polly - Nirvana
Christianity - Bill Hicks
Amerika - Rammstein
Loaded Gun - The Rev
Kicks Joy Darkness- Hunter S.
The Mercy Seat - Johnny Cash
Nobody does it better - Radiohead
Year of the Cat (Acoustic) - Al Stewart
Easter - Bill Hicks
River of Deceit - Mad Season
Touching a Brother'Heart - Jay and Silent B
Breed - Nirvana
Lords of this World - Black Sabbath
Shape of my Heart - Sting
Religious Interview - Roger Waters
Last Song - Theory of a Dead man
Secret of the Bottle - Jackyl
Cuntry Boner - Puscifer
Claire Danes Poster - Size 14
Finale - The Orb

Burying the future as fast as the past

You see it all around you-

good loving gone bad.

And usually its too late when you realize what you had...

Not zis time. I've lost and won (do we ever "win"?) in love enough to know that "what you had" only seems good once its gone. I'm wise enough now to know if I wasn't happy THEN, I wouldn't be happy now. Time may heal all wounds, but blurry as her/their image/s is/are, I still manage to recall she/they weren't good enough.

Love is a series of regrets that always seem much more important once the sands of that hourglass have slipped through your fingers.

Or, they did, once upon a time. Now I see that shattered timepiece for what it was. And regret its passing not at all. Bring on tomorrow, I guess, if nothing else, just for the minute hope of a change of pace.

I regret the futures that await, now. Fuck the past and its shadowy, half-remembered lusts, loves, and losses.

Listen to the rythym of the falling rain, telling me just what a fool I've been,
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain, and let me be alone again...

I used to say that Pain was a gift. Then I philosophized that Everything was pain. Now, I realize that Pain is Nothing. Or at least, nothing is painful to me, anymore. My emotional nerve endings are completely numb. All pain is merely theatrics now. Every offense, every affront, all tribulations, all the trials that fall upon me- don't really affect me at all.

I go through the motions of pain - if nothing else, just to pretend I'm still part of this world, that I don't really care to belong to. Even this conversation is just meant for me. I realized long, long ago, that I'm the only one worth talking to. And sometimes, I don't even care to talk to myself.

Those are the times I feel most enlightened. Alas, they don't last long. And I'm back to the same old self-worship. Everbuddy needs some religion, right?

But, my dreams, they aren't as empty- as my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely - My love is vengeance
That's never free.

THIS church, it's a pitiful thang, ain't it? Once grand and vibrating with a thousand angels' decibels, there's nary a whisper of a breeze to whip through the empty pews. And that's the only way I'd ever truly have had it. TRUTH. Thats the only god whose sermons mean a damn thing to ME. Let the truth reveal itself, in time. And maybe it has.

I suppose when I'm wise enough to know for sure, I'll know it. Faith is such a fake ass concept. You don't need faith in anything that you know is true. You don't even consider "faith" in those matters which you are convinced of. Faith is a .99 cent sale. Its a scam, always has been. And as much as I'd like to say I Know for sure, I still am not convinced.

So, I guess I can stand waiting around for a little more truth to come around the bend...

Ooh Child, things are gonna get easier...

BULLSHIT, the young man says.


Talk shit to yourself/selves... I don't really want to hear anyone's bullshit but my own...