Burying the future as fast as the past

You see it all around you-

good loving gone bad.

And usually its too late when you realize what you had...

Not zis time. I've lost and won (do we ever "win"?) in love enough to know that "what you had" only seems good once its gone. I'm wise enough now to know if I wasn't happy THEN, I wouldn't be happy now. Time may heal all wounds, but blurry as her/their image/s is/are, I still manage to recall she/they weren't good enough.

Love is a series of regrets that always seem much more important once the sands of that hourglass have slipped through your fingers.

Or, they did, once upon a time. Now I see that shattered timepiece for what it was. And regret its passing not at all. Bring on tomorrow, I guess, if nothing else, just for the minute hope of a change of pace.

I regret the futures that await, now. Fuck the past and its shadowy, half-remembered lusts, loves, and losses.

Listen to the rythym of the falling rain, telling me just what a fool I've been,
I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain, and let me be alone again...

I used to say that Pain was a gift. Then I philosophized that Everything was pain. Now, I realize that Pain is Nothing. Or at least, nothing is painful to me, anymore. My emotional nerve endings are completely numb. All pain is merely theatrics now. Every offense, every affront, all tribulations, all the trials that fall upon me- don't really affect me at all.

I go through the motions of pain - if nothing else, just to pretend I'm still part of this world, that I don't really care to belong to. Even this conversation is just meant for me. I realized long, long ago, that I'm the only one worth talking to. And sometimes, I don't even care to talk to myself.

Those are the times I feel most enlightened. Alas, they don't last long. And I'm back to the same old self-worship. Everbuddy needs some religion, right?

But, my dreams, they aren't as empty- as my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely - My love is vengeance
That's never free.

THIS church, it's a pitiful thang, ain't it? Once grand and vibrating with a thousand angels' decibels, there's nary a whisper of a breeze to whip through the empty pews. And that's the only way I'd ever truly have had it. TRUTH. Thats the only god whose sermons mean a damn thing to ME. Let the truth reveal itself, in time. And maybe it has.

I suppose when I'm wise enough to know for sure, I'll know it. Faith is such a fake ass concept. You don't need faith in anything that you know is true. You don't even consider "faith" in those matters which you are convinced of. Faith is a .99 cent sale. Its a scam, always has been. And as much as I'd like to say I Know for sure, I still am not convinced.

So, I guess I can stand waiting around for a little more truth to come around the bend...

Ooh Child, things are gonna get easier...

BULLSHIT, the young man says.

SHUT THE FUCK UP PUP, the old man says. AT LEAST WHEN YOUR BETTERS ARE IN LISTENING DISTANCE.

Talk shit to yourself/selves... I don't really want to hear anyone's bullshit but my own...