The Righteousness of Illusion

What is it that makes me keep going?

Fear? Boredom? Hope? Love? Sloth?

I don't fear death, but I don't choose it. I want the eternal peace of escape, but not enough to do anything to hasten it's arrival.

It's not boredom that keeps anything happening, if anything, that's my worst enemy- my inability to be sated, to be entertained completely by anything in my life.

Hope- That's possible. That i am waiting around for an affirmation of .... something-anything. I hope for answers, for conclusions, that I am afraid I already may be aware of.

Love? Yeah, thats not it.

Sloth- Most likely. Treading water in this thing called life.

The answer is Illusion. It is our illusions that keep us going. It is our grand misconceptions and our capacity to want to believe in something- ANYTHING. We grab hold of whatever illusion makes the most sense at any given time, and cling to it like fingers digging into a cliff's edge. And we fall, over and over- whenever we let go of the illusion. And, sometimes it's bad. And sometimes, its actually good. But most of the time we find, that letting go didn't matter much. We can make excuses and explanations all day long for the perceived shortcomings of our lives- both perceived by others and perceived by ourselves. And we can invent solutions too.

Most of those solutions involve more illusions- and clinging even harder to them.

Sometimes you hit an epiphany were you shatter one illusion, and come to the realization that its opposite should have been your goal all along.

and, you can jump down that path, full of righteousness and remorse-

But it's still just one more illusion.