Wednesday, September 12, 2012

That faraway look we get

Another birthday without my sons.

Just when I finally got over the pain of missing Evan's and Andrew's, Lauren runs two states away with Tristan and I have to relive this fucking nightmare again.

I wish both those selfish bitches a lifetime of pain.

I wish I could pass it on to them, the agony of NOT having your children near.

As much as I despise Andrea, I'd have never took the girls away from her.

Fucking blackhearted whores.

You hurt your sons as much as you hurt me by separating us, with your self-absorbed sense of what is right for YOU.

So, when they get that faraway look later in life, that I was forced to bear, never having my father close, realize that YOU own that piece of their broken soul.

I can't drop everything and change my life the way you did. The boys were all born right here, just like the girls. And I have to take care of them right here. I can't run off and chase you as you run away, never looking back.

And now, Tristan is gone, just like Andrew and Evan.  And I'll get to see them two or three times a year for the rest of their lives. I can't afford much more than that with them both five hundred miles away from their birthplace, in different directions. And I've got to hear you tell me, Lauren, for the rest of your life, just like that cunt Trish, that you HAD to do it. I've got to hear YOUR fucking excuse now, for the next twenty goddamn years. And bite my fucking tongue, lest you decide he even doesnt need to visit me for the summers like Trish decided for the boys when they got older.

One of these fucking days- I'll call in these debts, you pieces of shit. But it won't be til I finish raising the girls. I've still got my job to do, to be the parent, and to raise my girls right- in spite of your poisonous influence on them as well. Because you left them behind too, just like Andrea, in your haste to make it better on yourself.

And you owe for that, as well.