Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Duty to Conscience

There is always a duty to conscience.
(Which, (wink) in my case may not include morality).

Conscience is our waking earthly soul.
I've been accused of forgiving too freely.
I've been accused of not forgiving enough.
I've been accused of being too hard.
I've been accused of not being hard enough.

In the end, I forgive all others' transgressions against me- as I forgive myself for all my own transgressions to those around me.

Or, at least, I try. As Sir Thomas More strove not to condemn any man for their own conscience, so I do too. I try to let go of such selfish judgements and only hold to judging myself. What I will not allow is the muddying of my own conscience's waters. I must hold to my dearest inner convictions and act accordingly.

If I forgive Andrea - it is because of Amy and Rain.
If I forgive Lauren- it is because of Tristan.
Being estranged from my sons, it is a lot harder to forgive Trish. I am working on it. I only hope that she cannot poison their consciences as she has everything else.

But then, whatever their consciences become, I cannot worry overmuch. They are theirs, for only their own condemnations. It takes all my willpower and strength to hold to my own and reconcile my own sins.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Holding down the flames

Self Control is ALL that I have. Every day its a complete all-consuming struggle to quell my passions and calm my tortured soul.

I am winning. But sometimes I really, really, want to lose...