I am so used to trying to be strong- that I cannot even allow myself a moment of weakness. I talked to my cousin Clark, today, hours before his father passed away. He explained that he couldnt feel. I knew exactly how that "felt". Our mothers died last year- two months apart. And now his dad was dying and he was feeling exactly like I am - Wishing he could feel something - other- than this need to stay resolute, this absolute necessity to stay strong in the face of adversity.
One tear is all I could muster today. I want to break down, I need some release. But my self-defense just won't let it happen.
My wife says I am cold.
She don't even know the half of it. I am dead inside, except for those moments that my kids remind me that I am alive.
I despise weakness. I despise losing. But I know I am lost forever if I can't find the strength to cry.
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1 comment:
You are not cold, you are human. We all deal with things differently. You are so strong, and I admire you for that. Dont let someone tell you otherwise.
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