Conversations about Death and afterlife

(a short conversation with R, after listening to some Amitabha Buddhist philosophy)

K:
Let my new spirit of patience and peacefulness extend to you in this, your time of need

R:
thank you....

K:
anyway- that Buddhism stuff is pretty enlightening. I could do without all the reincarnation and heaven-realms vs. hell-realms. i dont think there SHOULD be a reward in an afterlife.

R:
wonder what the afterlife will be like

are we old

K:
I believe that the truly enlightened thought should be that the reward for good karma is that life in the NOW is improved by the philosophy.

R:
young

do we start all over again

do we know who we knew here

K:
back to the dirt.

And another life replaces yours.

and your actions in life have either helped the world become a better place or a worse one. and the small piece of your evolutionary immortality is then complete.

or, passed on through all those subtle ways in which you have touched others who survive

so that they may in turn pass on those things to others

true humanitarian evolution

by centimeters, not miles

thats my theory, anyhow

Revolving doors

Her:
actually...
i do know what i want and wouldn't you know, its something i can never have

Him:
ah, pray tell! Let me know what this elusive thing is- so that I may know your heart's desire once and for all - and weep with you at its unobtainable misery!

Her:
i will never tell a soul

Him:
ah, so the circle closes, and it is my turn to stand outside Your door- and quietly whisper "let me in"
but you cannot hear my whisper
and the world around us both dies a little
...curtain falls

Her:
leave me out

Him:
beautiful
its a story. happening a million times every day. A never ending dance. A game that never has a final turn.

The biggest liar

“If I lie to you, will you love me again?”

and what is that from?
... just a line from a song i wrote..
i believe you
sometimes i feel so crazy
i scare myself because I AM so willing to throw it all away, for Her.
and it freaks me out and I tell myself that my heart is the biggest fkn liar of them all
she's no good when she's sober
and he's no good when he's drunk
quite a pair
it hurts so good
and its so bad
Two lovers, Two liars
the only thing that was real was the passion.
Sometimes for each other, but mostly for the ideal of it all.

And for the moment.
Always for the moment itself.

The heart was the biggest liar of them all.

Work sucks, I know

It's so frustrating working with intellectual inferiors, day in and day out, and catching shit for being arrogant simply because I pay attention and know the answers and these fucking women are so self absorbed that they can't be bothered to do their own fucking jobs and I know this is a big-ass runon sentence but I just dont give a fuck because i'm on a rant and these people irritate me to the point of violence.

I wish i could just tell them, ten times a day. I=CAN'T=HELP=IT=THAT=YOU=ARE=STUPID.

that is all.

The Blessings of the Damned

Wanted
Needed
Hated
Feared
Loved ?

Emotion is such a rare commodity to my heart that it floods me with Doubt. I hate myself because you make me feel like I am not good enough to be. And I fear you for making me feel like this.

And I fear myself if you ever give in completely.

Blessed
Damned
Desired
Fated ?

i don't want to hurt her any more than I have to.

why doesn't she believe me when I tell her we're through?

I just want to be free. She says she won't sign the divorce papers...

why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn't love them?

The longer she holds on, the longer she hurts herself.

I'm just being honest. I'm done.

Turn me loose. Me not coming back to you will probably be the best gift I can give you, Lauren.

Rain the wild child