It's interesting how, that no matter how chaos swings this marionette, that this far-flung body always swings back to the same familiar orbit.
Or maybe not so interesting...
Maybe it's a matter of simplicity.
Perhaps, it's a lack of forward thrust.
I daresay, no one could ever argue that it was a lack of my expansive imagination.
Humble beginnings- and a deliciously, deserved humble ending- of my own choice.
It's all that I ever wanted.
But, endings will come soon enough. All too easy to focus on grand (or not-so grand) finale's.
The trouble is not only treading water, but holding my children above the water while I do it.
I do believe that I've done a good job.
I don't say it lightly.
I see others doubt. I see them wane, I see them fail, I see them fall, I see them weaken.
I am a harsh judge- of myself, worst of all. But, judging- hell, that's almost a gift, of mine.
I sift the wheat from the chaff. I boil the fat from the bone. I scatter the smoke from the fire.
I gently blow on those flames, watch the falseness wift away.
And I'm left with what I am left with. What matters? As always- the children. The future, the line, the legacy. Such as it is.
What matters is certainly not Ourselves. And when I look around, at the shadowy half-lives led around me- by people with no conviction whose only goals surround their own petty desires, I know that I've lived true- despite it all.
I used to look at the mirror- and hope I didn't flinch.
I used to look at the mirror and struggle to meet my own eyes.
I used to look at the mirror and want to know that I was at peace.
I look in the mirror now, and smile.
I've met all the goals I EVER hoped to achieve. My success has been met.
But it came with a price. Now when I look at my friends, my family, everyone that I've met- I see them in my reflection- I stare at them with these unflinching eyes and their weaknesses are all too plain. I try to empathize- but hell, I don't even empathize with my own weaknesses. You fix them. Or you fucking fail. You fail yourself. You fail your children.
And, I won't ever do that.