Sunday, November 25, 2012

It kills me

I wonder why I always get what i DONT want so easily.

and the only things i do want are always so completely out of reach.

I know what i love

and it kills me, not being able to love what i want to

it kills me

over and over

Monday, November 19, 2012


No matter how bad it gets- you gotta love Something-
Find your something, and love it as best you can.
In the end, its not about how much you were loved-

its about how much You Loved


Still here...

surprised? I am

I guess. But. I'm a keep-on keeping on kind a guy. Nobody's gonna take care of Amy and Rain, so I have to stay on the path.

They are doing well. I'd love to take the credit. But they are so amazing, I honestly cant fathom that I may be responsible for that. All my kids are so much better than I was, than my brothers and sisters were.

They are damn sure better than both their parents.

And that is, of course, my ultimate goal.

Instill the good things of my self, and boil away the bad.

Give them the guidance I never had- help them to learn from my mistakes- even while I make more.

i fear I'm not a good positive example, but I am a lesson in what-not-to-do.

I think they get it.

Like I say, they are smart girls.

And = LOVE THEM. Love them more than you could ever love yourself (if ever you did).

They can sense it. And sometimes, I see them trying hard to live up to how perfect I think they are, and that's such a good thing. Because they cannot fail me.

They never will, they never could. But i will try to give them reason to excel, to blossom, to live past their own expectations.

As long as they don't fail themselves, I have done what i was supposed to.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Midnight, by Robert E. Howard

Kirk leaned his elbows upon the table and cursed. The candle guttered low. The bottle was empty, and a slow fire coiled in our brains--the fire which devours and consumes and destroys but never leaps into full wild flame.

I looked at Kirk with bleared
eyes. He hid his face in his hands. He was thinking of a woman he knew. The cards, greasy with handling and stained with whiskey and candle tallow, lay scattered between us. The desire for gambling was gone, and there was no more whiskey.

"Cheer up, Kirk," I said. "Listen--I'll tell you: Somewhere in the world the sun is coming up like a red dragon to shine on a gilded pagoda; somewhere the bleak silver stars are gleaming on the white sands where a magic caravan is sleeping out in the ages.
Somewhere the night wind is blowing through the grass of a mysterious grave. Somewhere there is a gossamer sailed ship carving a wake of silver foam across the dark blue of the Mediterranean. This isn't all, Kirk."

"Oh, Christ," he groaned, reaching for the empty bottle, "I wish I had a drink."

(Shameful name changing, I know- but from one Texas boy to 'nother, I think he'd understand)

Crazy parents

What drives me crazy about Andrea is that she always does the opposite of whats best- For Her, for the girls,for all of us.

Like · ·

  • Kirk Berryhill i tred to tell her while she was here. But- she wasnt having any of that. She always had an excuse.

  • Kirk Berryhill Life CAN be a very simple thing- if you let it- you do whats best for the kids- and WOW! Things are better. Amazing, innit?

  • Jessica Love And this surprises you????

  • Kirk Berryhill it ALWAYS continues to surprise me,

  • Jessica Love not sure why you think she is going to change. She really only cares about herself which is sad.

  • Kirk Berryhill Because my girls are so great, i keep thinking she will wake up.

  • Tonya Patterson Gooch Oh sweet Kirk. You can not make someone do what they need to do. You have done your best to bring the situation to light but until she actually "sees" it, it will not happen. You can't change who somebody is. Some people just don't have it in them ...See More

  • Kirk Berryhill I truly cannot believe someone can Never comprehend how important their kids are. But i guess i am just clueless like that. I dont force anything- this was the first time she even saw them in a year and a half. I dont get it. I really dont. My whole li...See More

  • Tonya Patterson Gooch I don't know hun! I would do anything for my kids as well. But unfortunately, some people just don't have it in them. To me, that is one of the most selfish acts someone can have. You know I complain about not getting to do things because I am alwa...See More

  • Jessica Love Kirk all of us see how wonderful your kids are and that is ALL because if you! Andrea was just not meant to be a mother and as much as you would like her to be for the girls sake I just don't think it will happen. Just remember all of your friends love you and are here when you need anything.

  • Kirk Berryhill Sometimes I take it for granted, but i have to thank my Mother for my compassion, and my empathy. She is my backbone. Being compassionate isnt weakness. It takes strength of heart. My father and I - well to say we dont see eye to eye is a light description. There is a time he would have gladly killed me. I think thats passed- but I recognize that he taught me how to hate- and that is a very good survival mechanism. I had the most opposite parents-and lifestyles, growing up- it was very strange. But Now I am who i am- no changing that. And oddly enough, the Love won over the hate- despite my own bad attitude.